oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize