and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
