Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
