Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
