i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
