I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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