dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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