And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
