How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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