I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
