Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
