he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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