i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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