Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
