The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
