Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my poor anus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
