i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
