you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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