How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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