What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
