So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
