Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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