note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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