I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
