it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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