I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
