i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
