my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
