so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
tell me about the fingering
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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