I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
