Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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