I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize