just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
