I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
