If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
