Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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