Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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