Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
