We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize