i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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