I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
