i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
