i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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