I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This girl is more easily done than said...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
NoShamevember. You game?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
