how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
