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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Randomize
