So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
