what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize