I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
