Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
