I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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