I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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