I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
