Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
