apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
