I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
