I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
