he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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