we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
