My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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