I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
