So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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