Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
