I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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