shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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