How'd it feel making her break her religion?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
