yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
